As the title suggests, this blog is about how Japanese girls/women are easy. And when I say 'girls', I really do mean 'women'.
But they aren't. At least not any more than anyone else from another country... and yet... for me and countless others, they do appear to be easy.
What does easy mean?
Well, in this case it means easy to get laid... or rather when you chat up a Japanese woman, for gaijin men it is easier to get laid.
In my own situation, I was a near 26-year-old virgin with low self-esteem from Toronto when I arrived in Ohtawara-shi, a smallish city of 50,000 people in Tochigi-ken, Japan.
I knew nothing of the language, its customs, its history or its people. Most of the stuff I had heard about Japan turned out to be wrong... merely stereotypes like the Japanese people being very serious with no sense of humor... but - in my situation - I found them to have a wonderful sense of humor - pretty much from the moment I first met any of them.
I think some of that is on me, as I tend to walk around grinning even now, some 24 years later after arriving in Japan in 1990. Even though I only stayed for three years, the damn country and its people made quite the impression on me.
So... back to: Japanese Girls Are Easy.
Well... for me... they were.
Japan is a pretty homogenous country. There is little immigration, and even what there is, few stick around to become Japanese citizens.
As a result, you can almost be sure that the Japanese people you meet in Japan are Japanese... and not like me... A brown-skinned Canadian born in England of parents born in India... with some Portuguese blood in me... a Catholic mother, Protestant father and a Jewish grandmother.
Perhaps because of this... and perhaps because my parents always wanted to fit in, I learned as much about the culture as possible and ingratiated myself into that society to the best of my ability.
In this case, I am talking about Canada.
I also tried to do the same in Japan... but admittedly, I only had three short years to do that.
The first think, ever single guy-jin has to realize, when it comes to Japanese women, is that in order for them to be considered 'easy', they have to find something about you that they find intriguing.
Whether that is one thing or several things, there has to be something people find 'attractive' about you.
I have/had several things going for me:
- I am not your typical gaijin (foreigner).
- I am not an American. I am a Canadian.
- I am of above-average height.
- I am in decent shape, though not (at that time) overweight or muscular. I am a bit of both now.
- I am above-average educated.
- I am above-average in my sense of humor.
- I am above-average in my communication abilities.
- I was, at that time, leaving a job as a newspaper reporter for one of the top five newspapers in North America (which may or may not be true anymore) to come and live and work in Japan.
- I have brown eyes and black hair like the Japanese, but my height and frame and darker skin tone put me in the more exotic area of your typical gaijin appearing in Japan.
Anyhow... this all comes with me having 24 years to look back at things to try and figure out just how the hell I made out like a frickin' bandit. Because even if I didn't think I did, apparently others did. Who knew?
Unlike your typical 'playah', I didn't hang around in bars and try and pick up women.
I might have hung around in bars, but generally that was so I could get a drink. For some reason, perhaps it was because my students told their older sisters about the funny gaijin, I often had Japanese women come up to me in the bar to either grab a quick English lesson or to flirt.
To me, it equated to the exact same thing.
Then, like now, I tend to exude this "I don't give a sh!t if you talk to me or not" attitude (but I do, of course), but what it really boils down to is that I only ever asked out one woman while I was in Japan, and was asked out by maybe 75, and actually slept with about 30+ women.
I should note that these numbers, while some might consider them high, could have been even higher except for the fact that I had a girlfriend for the first 13 months - and I never cheated on her... though I did sleep with other women after she and I broke up several times within those 13 months.
I also had a girlfriend for three months and one for six... and no... I did not sleep around on them because, as I mentioned earlier, I had low self-esteem, and why screw up a good thing with the woman I was with at that time?
Anyhow... that one woman I asked out... she did NOT want to go out with me and had to be convinced by a school of junior high school students that I was indeed worth of her... which may or may not have been true, even if their actions were.
Think about that.
I had a bunch of Japanese teenagers successfully convince their Japanese teacher of English that I really was more substance than flash... something that took over a month for them to achieve by the way.
Japanese women are easy... but some of them aren't.
I think that when I arrived in Japan, I thought I was shy. But in truth, I had just begun to climb out of my shell.
A lot of good things had started happening to me, what with earning kudos in school, getting chosen to go into the Toronto Star summer internship program and seeing my stories on the front page, and chosen to enter the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, to teaching eight kids how to play piano and one clarinet - all while excelling in a journalism program that allowed me to leave early to work at the Toronto Star (Thanks, Humber College).
I had only started dating four years earlier, but was still in virginal territory.
But I don't know what happened when I arrived in Japan. I was picked up by the friendly American, Kristine - as a friend, was chosen by the friendly American, Ashley - as a boyfriend... and that was all before I even set foot in my hometown of Ohtawara.
People there knew that I was dating Ashley... and I bet some of the people wondered how the hell I could arrive in Japan and have a girlfriend after two days.
And, whenever Ashley would break up with me over stuff that to this day I have no knowledge of (or I've blocked it all from my mind), I would have Japanese women hit on me.
Trust me. For a guy who hadn't slept with a woman until he arrived in Japan... to being devastated when the only woman he had ever slept with dumped him... and then seeing woman line up to be my girlfriend... well... my confidence grew, even without the sexual connotation.
And it grew and grew and grew.
So... why did the Japanese women want to date me?
Well... there were a fair number of gaijin men in my town... and I'm sure all of us got more than our fair share... I have no idea about the others, so I'm not even going to mention any by name, save that a couple of them did get married to Japanese women while I was there... and this is just the gaijin in MY town.
I was exotic in Japan... and I should have been exotic in Canada... and for a while, I certainly was when I got back... as I muscled up, grew my hair damn long and perhaps became over-confident.
I also only asked one woman out in Japan for a reason... I was shy. I still am, believe it or not. yes, I am... even though I tell everyone all about me and my foibles via this blog.
But... I was a great flirt. Still am, I think. But I only flirt after someone makes contact with me. Actually... I think in my entire life, I have only kissed two women whom I have actually initiated contact with.
What I am trying to say is... if Japanese girls are indeed easy, it's because maybe you are in the right place at the right time, and for whatever reason, everything is going your way.
Of course... things don't always go one's way.
I never just wanted to sleep with women. I wanted to date them. I wanted a girlfriend. But, it seems, I was a boy-toy in Japan... something exotic that made women want to sleep with me, but not want to date me.
So... I suppose it all depends on what your definition of easy is.
It was easy for me to sleep with women, but for whatever reason, I wanted more... and that next step... that wasn't easy.
In fact... just sleeping with so many women actually destroyed my confidence in being able to find a secure relationship. As such, I really had to try to find someone I liked, rather than just have them hit on me.
What? Me ask someone out? I suppose...
So... be careful what you wish for.
Anyhow... check out THIS blog that was posted earlier this week, that was sent to me AFTER I wrote this article...the author makes lots of great points, though also mentions low sex drive in the Japanese women.
Uh... okay... I never saw that. In fact, I saw the opposite... which is probably why every situation is different.
Maybe it's because my situation occurred 20 years earlier in a part of Japan that had not seen a whole lot of wacky, gaijin men, as opposed to places like Tokyo or Osaka—big cities where there are plenty of horny gaijin men looking to bang anything in a pleated skirt.
Time and location. Plus personality et al.
It's like that in any country, by the way.
How is it that after coming back from Japan I was "dating scores of hot women" but before Japan not one woman would have looked in my general direction even if I was fanning myself with $20 bills.
I think people smell confidence on other people...
What smell do you emit?